my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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