oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
