OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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