I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize