I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
