I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
