It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
