I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
