Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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