Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
