After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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