Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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