The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Damn victory sex feels great
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
