he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
