my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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