im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize