I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
