I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
zippers are such a cool invention
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
