Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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