I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
