He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
