after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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