I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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