What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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