also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
