Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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