Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
