I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
