TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
