i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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