SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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