I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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