Small penises have feelings too.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
