Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize