Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
