She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
