i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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