I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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