Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
