At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
