well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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