I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
