OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
