i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
