shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
