Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
