I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
