Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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