Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
COCAINE IS GR8
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