I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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