I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
