Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
