Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
