You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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