I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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