there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't deserve a penis
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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