Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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