the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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