can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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