Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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