your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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