Im at strip club and am horny
operation have a gay friend backfired
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
