Do vagina's smell?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
