It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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