Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
