I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
