I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
