It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize