how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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