I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
