jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
