Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
