hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
