i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
