I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
