You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
