Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
