I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
