I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
