Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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