those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
