You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
