i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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