You work out of a Hotel?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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