just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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