Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
