Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
