Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
