You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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