oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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