and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
