She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
