hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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