We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
