And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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