So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
