I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
