She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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