I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
