Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
