Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
