I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
