omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no you cant smoke seaweed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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